western culture shock.

My laptop broke and was out of commission for a bit. I am writing this from Manchester, England. Since I last wrote I left Seoul. I flew to London. I have worked in Manchester twice, Norwich, and tomorrow I am headed to Newcastle. I'm going to Brighton on Friday for some crazy Pagan style festival. England is bizarre. Or maybe it's just normal. I'm not really sure.

Arriving in Heathrow was the first time I have experienced a feeling of western culture shock. The previous times I lived in Asia, I either transferred to another Asian place, or I went back to NYC - which was familiar and safe. But this time I flew into the UK. Something that I know, but that isn't completely me. It was English, and it was "English." I remember my first night back in London. I remember thinking "this isn't what I want at all." But also thinking, "WHAT? This part of the world is insane and hilarious." And it was my world, really. I was hanging out with my usual friends. We went to a show, we went to a few pubs, we were strolling through East London and having a good time. We watched indie movies and smoked Marlboro Reds. It was normal, it was what I have always been. But, in recent years, I have been a big advocate of the eastern world. This trip to Korea confirmed that the eastern world is really something I believe in. Something I want in my life. So flying back here, I won't lie, it was rough. I remember going to my corner store and still saying thank you in Korean. I remember being so surprised how cold and rude people are here. It's funny to say that. Compared to the states, people in England are about as fucking polite as it gets. But. Go the eastern world and you hit a whole new world of "nice." Korea did some good things for me. It reminded me that a lot of things I think I care about, don't actually matter, at all. It made me a better person. It slowed me down a bit. Korea made me re-evaluate my life, and realize that I am completely wrong most of the time. It made me a bit healthier, and at the same time a bigger smoker (cigs cost 2 USD in Seoul).

I have convinced myself to have a good time in England. And, I have been having a good time. In fact, a few nights have been completely blissful and euphoric. I want to leave London, but I am not excited to go back to America. I just don't want to go back. I have been gone for a long time. My life that I had there, is incredibly far away from where I am now. The idea of flying into JFK makes me very, very nervous. Anyway. Here I am in Manchester. I am sleep deprived. I am tired of walking in heels. My hair is purple. It is pouring rain outside. Welcome to England. To be honest, Manchester is kind of rad. I like the architecture. It is way better than Norwich. Norwich made me feel like I was back in middle America, and that kind of tripped me out a bit.

It's funny. Seoul seems like this surreal experience that didn't really happen. I went through a lot in a quick period of time. There was a point where I was one hundred percent positive about changing my life around. I was going to leave the fashion industry, I was going to try and stabilize my life. I thought I had met this amazing person who I thought was worth going out of my way for. I thought I didn't care about a lot of things in my life. I still think I don't care about a lot of those things. But I was hit hard when I found out this person was just as bad, if not worse, than anyone I have ever spent time with. In fact, the worst part was how convincing he was. That he lead me on overseas when it was completely unnecessary, because at the beginning, I didn't give a damn. Now I realize, some of these changes would have been a mistake. At the same time, I had experienced a feeling of happiness I had never felt before. And that did change my life. It's something that has completely changed the way I look at things, and I can't go back to the way I looked at things previously. But I am not going to change what I am doing. That was an irrational thought. And the person I was in love before, I'm still in love with now. In fact, more in love with than ever. I didn't even really think this was possible, to be honest. If anything, I have a better idea of things that matter, and things I don't want anything to do with. It was just this brief period of being completely disillusioned with everything around me. I was blind to logic, and that is kind of scary. Asia can do that to a person. It's a magical place. I feel like a lot of it is right on, and needs to be paid attention to. But the reality is that I have to live in the western world, and that requires a lack of magic, and a lot of fucking logic.

Anyway. So I am on this two week job, right? It's kind of like being on tour. Except instead of playing music, I walk down a runway. This morning we were boarding a flight that took us from Norwich to Manchester. We have been taking trains everywhere, but today we flew. Not sure why. The Norwich airport plays a good trick. We get in, we check in, we get ready to go through security. This is when we are told that in order to board the flight, we have to pay five pounds. The five pounds goes towards "redevelopment of the Norwich airport." I mean, can you imagine going to a friend's place for dinner, and when you get there they say, "you can't leave until you donate to our kitchen remodeling?" This is basically the situation in Norwich. Norwich is the worst (if I didn't express that clearly enough before). So. As we are boarding the flight, I make a semi-cynical, sarcastic remark that if our flight crashed we will make headlines everywhere. Because the media, the news - man, they would eat up a plane full of models crashing. This model turns around, and in all seriousness says, Yeah, it would be like when that plane that had the Polish president and entire Polish government crashed in Russia. In fact, it would be a bigger deal than that. WHAT? Are you kidding me?! To be fair, I was impressed she even knew about that crash. But, come on! A BIGGER DEAL THAN AN ENTIRE COUNTRY'S GOVERNMENT DYING IN A PLANE CRASH? You know, I get embarrassed when I have to travel in a herd of models. I feel super self-conscience. I feel like an idiot. But, apparently - some models feel a huge sense of importance.

I miss Seoul. I met some amazing people there. Koreans are some of the nicest people I have ever met. I made some amazing friends. For a brief second, I felt in love and happy. South Korea was a quirky, beautiful country. The things they deal with on a daily basis, are things the western world can't even fathom. The kimchi crisis, the situation with North Korea, armed American soldiers on every block...yet, they have 24 hour shopping markets, crazy Korean pop music, night clubs that put trendy western clubs to shame, nature that doesn't seem real, and the eastern mindset will always (in my mind) top every single western religion and hedonistic, egotistical mindset possible. I had an amazing time breaking every law possible. Breaking into any place possible - whether it was a US military base, a war memorial museum, or jumping into the Han river completely naked at 4:30 in the morning - Korea was crazy and insane and a lot of times made no sense at all. I miss you Asia. But London, you have been O.K., and I can deal with my current state in life. I think.